Monday, February 27, 2012
I feel like I've lost my balance since losing Ivan. I don't think it was quite as bad as the descriptor of "emotional trashcan" persay, but having Ivan and the rest of my equines was such an intrinsic part of my life and my daily activities. To lose him and that part of our routine, the rest of my life has become impacted in such a way that I feel like I'm beginning to have unhealthy feelings about the rest of my non-horsey life. I'm more irritable, more prone to frustration with people when I have to deal with stuff like customer service (AT&T, Directv, the bank, etc.), I get rather irate on the road, and I lash out over smaller stuff around the house. I feel like I'm just wallowing in frustration that just won't abate. Having Ivan gave me a focus and a solid goal to work toward, plus we had tons of fun together and had plenty of release from stressors because of the work we could accomplish together. Since losing him, I have so much more free time on my hands and have been inside the house more, and it has just amplified my irritation over how certain things in the rest of my life are not the way that I want them.